mirror, mirror

all the mirrors gave in to exhaustion.
their big sigh knocked over all the trees
& the world was flatter than ever before.
i talked to my mirror to ask what it was
that broke her? was it my constant preening
or all the hours i was gone, walking around
without a faint idea of my likeness. 
yes, this included iphones too & cameras.
my reflections departed elsewhere.
i tried everything. drove to the lake
to peer at the grey-blue water
hoping for a glimpse of my own face.
who was i again? where did i buy groceries?
did i look like my mother?
how did narcissus die? gazing gazing
at the hood of his car. i needed 
some confirmation that i really did exist.
a fragment of body shown back to me.
followed a river to the ocean
where the water foamed white & green.
the waves laughed at my face & showed me
nothing but mermaids & kelp.
what did lacan say about mirrors?
something about self recognition. a moment
when you are aware that the creature
in the mirror is you. this is my hand moving. 
this is my tongue. this is a bug bite
on my forehead. the blank mirror reflected nothing
but the white light of my bathroom.
did it not miss me at all? all its muscles
slack with sleep. i thought about how
living alone must tire my mirror 
with all my worries. lately, 
even the mirror does not convince me
i am a real person. i would watch
my eyes move back & forth & believe
someone else lived on the other side
of the glass. 
my house gets smaller on every tuesday.
maybe soon i'll be reunited
with my portrait. 
i'll stare & stare
& stare & stare. will a flower grow 
where my body was? 
will my silhoutte
leave a shadow 
on the mirror's face?